he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
