Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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