why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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