i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
