i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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