Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
