You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
