Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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