I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
