So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
