i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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