I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
