she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
