Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Randomize
