i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think my moral compass just broke
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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