A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
