matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
