and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
