Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We are two peas in an std pod
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize