he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
