I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
