he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
