this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Houston, we have a squirter
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
