i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
