sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
