Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
