Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
