Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
