you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
