You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
two words: eviction party
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
