oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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