i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
