I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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