dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
