i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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