If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
