VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
