grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
