i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
