I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
