soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
