life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
