need another drink. this is the easiest way
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
