Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
