Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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