I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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