Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
