i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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