Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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