im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
