i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
